Cosmic Woo Guided BS Meditation

Guided Meditation –

9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. 0.

Relax.
Start letting go.
Sit in the satori position.
Relax your human.
Relax it.
Stop doing that thing you do with the character armour.
Stop that.
Breathe effortlessly and normally.
Relax.
You may start thinking. Dismiss it. It’s all bullshit.
Let go of all the crap you usually go on about.
Breathing… in… and… out… and… in… and out…
If bullshit arises, recognize it as bullshit, observe it, dismiss it, let it go…
Relaxing…
Paying attention to the respiratory and cardiovascular system.
Everything else is bullshit.
Everything else is irrelevant.
Now close your eyes.
Keep relaxing… letting go…
Feeling comfortable…
Feeling loving energy in your heart…
Breathing through your heart…
Keep breathing… in and out in and out in and out.
Kind of like sex.
But with your lungs.
Feel your lungs having intercourse with the oxygen.
It feels great.
You feel really exuberant.
You like this.
Keep breathing… in and out in and out in and out.
You are getting turned on just by breathing.
Now focus on your left hand.
Feel warm energy flow into your left hand, relaxing, letting go, feels like relief…
You feel light, positive energy.
Feel your left hand get heavy, relaxed.
You feel grounded and relaxed.
Breathing deeply, relaxing…
Feel warm energy flow into your right hand, relaxing, letting go, feels like relief, feels a bit like warm liquid…
Breathing… in… and out…
Imagine your whole body is pleasuring itself.
Breathing in deeply…
The point of this exercise was to shift awareness from bullshit to your body…
Do more of this.
Breathing out, feeling warm energy upon exhalation…
You are becoming more aware of your body…
Breathing in, your human is being penetrated by hell knows what airborn molecules, bacteria, viruses, et cetera…
It is what the molecules are doing.
Interpenetrating. Interconnected. Entangled.
Allowing experience…
You are becoming aware that you body feels orgasmic…
You are being your body…
Relaxing… letting go…
If you find yourself thinking nonsense, sing to yourself – la la la la love la la la la love.
Observe the bullshit. Recognize it as bullshit. Let the bullshit guide you, but do not let it consume or confuse you…
You are a vibrational entity so to speak…
Do not let bullshit get in the way of DNA…
You cannot control bullshit, but you can choose how to respond to bullshit…
Enjoying it… experimenting with it… playing with it… using it as fertilizer for better bullshit… relaxing into it… avoiding it… letting go of bullshit…
Feel warm energy expand through your cardiovascular system with each breath…
You feel relaxed and warm…
This is all there is.
Everything else is a perceptual trick.
Breathing… relaxing… letting go of bullshit…
Feeling warm current of healing energy flow through your shoulders. Relaxing.
Breathing deeply, effortlessly, rhythmically…
Stop doing that stupid thing you do with the muscular armour.
You do not need to do that.
Relax your face.
Let go of your muscles.
Allow yourself to let go…
Your shoulders and arms are warm and relaxed…
Feel sexual and orgasmic.
Your glands are warm, comfortable, relaxed, and letting go of bullshit…
Your body is an ecosystem…
You feel loving, warm, compassionate towards all molecules.
You watch and feel the interpenetrating molecules dancing chaotically with each other.
Feeling relaxed and firm…
Feeling sexual…
Breathing deeply in… and… out… and in… and out…
Your out breath should be slower than your in breath…
Take a deep breath in… keep breathing… and then out… slowly and thoroughly…
Your human body is making love with itself.
You feel turned on and tuned in.
Feel warm glowing energy enter your thyroid gland.
Your thyroid gland or goitre if you have one feels relaxed…
Orgasmic…
Feel the warm glowing energy relaxing and letting itself go around your pituitary gland…
Relaxing…
Letting go…
Breathing feels like having sex…
All your molecules are having sex…
Now feel the warm healing energy glowing in your cardiovascular system, and spreading with the oxygen…
Each out breath increases this warm glowing energy…
Expand yourself, enlarge your energy…
Feel your experience expanding, growing, enlarging…
Remind yourself to forget all that you remember and know intellectually – now is only love, everything else is a perceptual trick…
With each breath, letting go of more bullshit…
With each out breath, you feel the warm energy increase.
With each out breath, feel more relaxed, as the warm energy heats up further, providing healthy placebo effect.
You are the placebo.
You may start having bullshit thoughts.
All thoughts are bullshit.
Breathing deeply.
Relaxing… letting go…
Past and future are irrelevant bullshit…
Past and future are being redesigned right now…
Imagine you are being penetrated by an eternal sword of love.
You are enjoying this experience.
You are in a relaxed state of awareness.
With each word you hear, you relax into a deeper state of inter-penetrated relaxation…
5… 3… 1… 8… 0… 0… 8… 0… 0… 8… 1… 3… 5…
Breathing deeply… in and out, in and out, in… and… out… etc.,
Letting go…
Bring your attention to the warmth of your heart.
Letting all the bullshit go, away from your awareness, fading away from your nervous system… fading those connections… deleting bullshit from your system… relaxing… letting go of bullshit…
With each breath, feeling the warmth of your cardiovascular and respiratory system increase…
With each breath, letting go of more bullshit…
Feel energy move across your spine.
Feel your nervous system pulsate with the glowing energy.
Suspend your bullshit.
Let go of your neurosis if you have this.
Let go of all your psychoanalytical bullshit…
Breathing deeper… harder… in… and… out… in… and out…
Maintain awareness of orgone…
Your body feels orgasmic…
All the molecules are making love with each other…
Feeling whole, integrated, synergy…
The neurolinguistic system is a distraction – and a useful tool.
Program and reprogram yourself.
Love, warmth, and kindness.
Relaxing… breathing… in… and out… and in… and out… and in…
You may or may not at times get bullshit inside your head that echoes various other spacetime entities – don’t fall it, it’s a trap!
“She said you said he said we said but she did I did he did we did.” It is all your mother’s fault. But your mother is her mother’s fault, and the fault lies all the way back at the first opening through which a new organism pulsated – folded and unfolded – in spacetime…
Does it have a beginning? What are we? What is going on here? Why is there something rather than nothing?
Past and future are bullshit.
Memories are a scam designed to keep you inside of infinite loops.
Learn to bypass all the bullshit.
Reprogram yourself.
Relaxing…
Letting go…
Breathing deeply, comfortably… in… and… out…
Recognizing and observing bullshit… not letting it control and confuse you…
Simply being aware…
Letting go of bullshit…
Using it as a fertilizer for the new.
At the count to 4 you will a wake from bullshit…

0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Thank you for listening to the Cosmic Woo Guided Bullshit Meditation

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